With Max at school – he went without drama, and, it appears, he has already been promoted to teacher’s favorite – we went to check out the Museum of Anthropology. I have seem my share of broken pottery and tiny figurines and was a little weary that it would be just another of these experiences. But then we met Toni – a diminutive local with approximately two teeth left in his mouth, a dry sense of humor and excellent command of the English language. He offered a tour, we agreed on a price and he walked us through Mayan history in an very captivating fashion and added a lot of is own spin. So here is the short version according to Toni (and a picture of him).
A short History of Yucatan according to Toni
The western tip of Yucatan only emerged about 2 million years ago, hardly worth mentioning in geological time frames. For that reason this part of Yucatan, although tropical (or according to Toni, with two seasons: hot and hotter) doesn’t have much top soil and therefore isn’t blessed with lots of agricultural products and no rivers. So living here used to be hard work and the Mayan nobility (approx. 15 % of the population) had to make sure to keep the commoners at bay and working hard in the fields so they could continue their lavish lifestyles. What better way to keep the common people in their place then declaring oneself a God. Little problem, though, the new Gods looked deceptively like everybody else on the street and so the whole scam wasn’t all that believeable. So they came up with this plan: let’s do everything possible to look different from the guys on the street whether it is healthy, makes sense or even looks good is secondary – as long as it is different.
It’s hard to be a God
So here is what they came up with:
They squeezed their infants’ heads between wooden planks to give the heads completely abnormal shapes, either coneshaped or flattened or a combination thereof. They conducted some kind on manipulation (I didn’t quite follow the how of this) that made them cross-eyed. The young men where cut severly in their faces and on their bodies and the scars where opened and filled with what didn’t sound like a particulalry anti-septic mixture of sod, paint and ground up stone. As Toni pointed out: “It is hard to be a God.” The end result must have looked something like his:
Finally they introduced rituals and used their superior knowledge of astronomy, architecture, and mathematics to come up with awe-inspiring special effects like the light of the sun falling through a little whole in a pyramid and illuminating something every March or September 21. These little tricks, combined with human sacrifices during those spectacles, made sure – for several hundred years – that 85% of the population went out everyday in the scorching sun to work so that 15% could do nothing much (well some must have entertained themselves with mathematics, astronomy and architecture but Toni wasn’t really clear whether the “smart guys” were nobility or rare recruits from the common people).
The end of the Gods
Then – acoording to Toni – the inevitable happed: Gods can’t really mix with the common man, or woman, so they started marrying amongst themselves – like brothers and sisters – and the result of inbreeding is all too well-known to describe in detail (not pretty). Eventually the masses had it with all that stupid extravagance at the top and learned some mathematics themselves (we many, they few) and kicked out the degenerates who called themselves Gods. Now the problem was that all the knowledge, the bureaucracy, the administration, the structure was gone and the whole thing fell into disarray. The Toltecs, a much more warrior like people who could afford developing the “art of war” because they lived in very lush places with avocados and mangos basically falling into their laps – came and took over Maya-land around 1200 AC or so.
Now, in one felt swoop we also have explained the mysterious disappearance of the Mayan high-culture around 1100 to 1300 AC. If you ask me, it all makes perfect sense, it’s completely logical, fake Gods and all. Call me jaded if you wish ….